Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead

I almost got a DUI last night. it was awful. but I am a cop wizard so it turned out okay. I was speeding and he was all so tell me something, how much you been drinking? and I was all pffff um none? and he was all oh really cause I smell alcohol on you and I was all pfffff can’t imagine why and he was all get out of the car so I did and he was all now I’m not trying to be a jerk but seriously when was the last time you had anything to drink? cause you smell an awful lot like alcohol. and I told him yesterday which was actually true because I had stopped drinking long ago and it was past 1 AM. and he was all you’re lying bla bla bla now let’s be honest here are you gonna cooperate and tell me the truth? and I was all look man idk if someone spilled something on me or what and he was just like no. so you’re gonna stick to the story that you just woke up from a nap and the last time you drank was yesterday? and I was like yes…. (all true). so he thinks he’s super cool and he’s about to bust me so he pulls out his pen and he’s all watch the top of this pen and I’m all alright pal and he waves it in front of my face for like 2 minutes trying to trick my eye balls but I didn’t struggle at all and then he got this stupid look on his face and was just like no seriously when was the last time you drank? cause you’re good… and I was all YESTERDAY DUDE and he’s just like okay get back in the car and just hang tight. so I get back in the car and he walks up hands me my license and says ‘see ya’. fucking loser. I was so fucking lucky he didn’t ask to breathalyze me. cop WIZARD.

(via blueblirds)

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    I almost got a DUI last night. it was awful. but I am a cop wizard so it turned out okay. I was speeding and he was all...

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    hehuehueijaija no me acordaba de esto xd

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